This past weekend my wife and I had the occasion to spend a relaxing weekend at the beach with her brother and wife. Both are retired now and enjoy simple things in life such as helping with the grand children, enjoying the beach and helping others. Unfortunately, we are real beach lovers and my in-laws are content just to chill out in their 42foot trailer. We didn't get to the beach all weekend.
We did spend "quality time" reminiscing about our children, relationships, discussing politics. The hours just ticked away. On our drive home, we talked about our weekend and realized the value in just putting the brakes on and reflecting about the things in life that have shaped who we are. In the world of nano second technology, twitter, fb, cell, you name the communication tool, we just have too little time to truly grasp meaningful events in our life.
The topic that always fascinates me is regret. Why do people have it? What does it mean about those who do feel regretful? Is regret nothing more than an expression of dissatisfaction with ones current situation or is it much deeper? Probably a little bit of both. Nonetheless, I thought about regret in the context of the discussions we enjoyed this weekend. I don't have much of a firm opinion on what regret means, I'll leave that for the therapist. In my life regret has no place. To me it means that if any one event would have changed a number of good and bad things that have entered my life would not have happened or the void would have been filled with other things; and wouldn't that have just been a different cycle of things to regret?
No, I choose to look at my life as fulfilled regardless of what has found its way into my realm. Oh my, there are certainly a number of things I wish to be different but I don't regret the experiences. Now that I am over 50 and transitioning to a new phase in my life I find myself being a bit more reflective. It's a good thing!
Several years ago, when I thought about regret, it became clear to me that regret leads to an uncomfortable state. You know, what if I had done this or made that change here....its endless. So, this weekend when all of us were sharing our pearls of wisdom about work, child rearing, friendship, missed opportunities, you name it, I revealed my pearl of wisdom. Regret is created because we lack an anchor event, that one time, situation or event that gave everything else meaning.
The anchor I revealed grounded me on June 17, 1973. This date marked the first date with my wife. In our 36 years together we have experienced many life vicissitudes, pain, happiness, loss all the normal human experiences and emotions. It's natural to look back over the years and wonder what if, but who will ever know. For me, there are no regrets for without that chance meeting and date on June 17, 1973 many of the joys in my life may never have been experienced and for that event I am forever grateful.
Spend some quiet time with those you care about and reflect on all your great experiences and the find your anchor. Certainly is cheaper than a therapist